There comes a time in life when you reach certain hallmarks in your journey toward the end. Some are chronological like when you go from 9 to 10 or turn 18 or 21 or when you turn 40 or 50.
Those are major hallarks in your life. The ones I’m talking about are small and often don’t have an age associated with them.
Like when you lose someone too soon.
Like when you learn that an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.
Like when you can feel the bullshit is about to get deep.
Like when you have reached an age when you don’t accept every invitation to a fight you are invited to.
Like when you learn that not every offer of help is actual help.
Like when you learn that some people only ask how you are doing because they are nosy not because they care.
Like when you can walk away from a friend because you have outgrown them or you have grown apart.
Friendships and/or relationships are for a reason, a season or a lifetime. They can be a combination of two of those things but never all three. I’ve learned this the hard way. I’ve had reason friends. I’ve had seasonal friends. I have lifetime friends.
I just turned another chronological year older and would have sworn that I had learned all of those lessons above years ago.
I know I can spot a bullshitter from 50 paces away but I have a blind spot and that is when it comes to family. I guess we all try to have blinders on when it comes to family because we know that genetically these people are like me.
That mentality of “If no one understands me, they should” because we belong together is strong.
Too strong in some and not strong enough in others.
I envy all of you who have families that have embraced unconditional love.
I have had a relative betray me before. My life sometimes feels like an unending string of familial betrayals in fact. So many betrayals that I have often wondered if in another life I was the one who let everyone down.
I have declined this invitation to hurt because I am done with this relative forever.
My grandmother used to tell me that “never is a long time” but I can never in good conscience, sound frame of mind or good health return to this person again.
I write this as a way to release that person’s hold on me emotionally.
I have to be able to say goodbye in a way that helps me and not hinders me.
Good bye relative. May the blood we share split here and never come together again.